Never trust a woman - nor your man

I can never understand woman. I am one of them and I still can't understand them. The majority of my mates are gay or men - not in a sexual sense of course - I'm not the type that reals in male attention - just that men have a logical view of thinking whereas women are, Jesus Christ, right bitches.

Oh yes - don't get me wrong - even I can be a right bitch sometimes - but that generally comes when another woman tries to ruffle me in the first instance. I'm an aries and by heck if someone makes me angry I charge. I'm also a hot blooded dragon born on a Tuesday. So I can contain my anger to a suitable extent but when it starts bubbling away I become a volcano.

The reason I am writing this post is this. I have been in a loving relationship for the last three years. In the last year and a half I have noticed a number of things that get filed away in my digital filing cupboard that looks like tripe - my brain, and slowly things have accumulated.

The situation is this. my boyfriends friends are lovely - albeit we all have different tastes and different strokes for different folks, however they are all lovely people. I would like to think that they are happy that we are together however something in the back of my head makes me think they are not - that they wish he was with someone else.

Take one good and best friend - female. Also has another best friend - female and a year and a half ago turned single. A lovely person but over the last year and a half I have come to question her true motives. A year and a half my boyfriend had a birthday and he decided he would also like to invite this girl along. Ok no problemo but it was like he was asking me permission to invite her - strange - sort of filed that in my head. Then his best friend came round and started talking about this girl all the time. When she went away and she was looking after the house she mentioned that her Dad took a fancy to her her. When this girl was having a wee bit of a romance with someone the best friend came round with cake to tell him the details. My gut instinct was starting to say here - hold on matey are we trying to start a connection here or has a connection here already started? Suddenly my boyfriend came home one night and started telling me how now that she's reaching 40 she is feeling quite conscious of having to compete with other woman to get a man and how she lost half a stone through doing yoga twice a day and looks fantastic and how she is interested in taking up life drawing classes with him.

The crunch came when one evening, we were making love, he groaned this woman's name out - at first I was thinking - whose Jin? Then the bullet hit.

At a party at a studio opening she spent most the evening talking to him. I thought at first ok - let them talk, let's do the wonder and speak to people. When I came back - they were still talking. At the end of the evening when they said their goodbyes she said - oh I'll give you a text about - turned to face me then abrubtly stopped. Then said - someone's name. Hrmm.... What were you going to say that made you stop when you noticed I was listening??? That sort of pissed me off - it was like they were talking about their little secret about something. I let my boyfriend know that I pissed off about it the next day on the train.

Then my boyfriend's sister and her boyfriend came to stay for the weekend. After dinner the boys stayed in the kitchen to drink a few whiskies and us ladies departed to the living room for a girl chat. His sister went back to the kitchen and I following a bit later behind to here his sister's boyfriend saying to her ' Don't talk about [girl's name]'. I came into the kitchen and jokingly said - what's this about Gin? - (as Gin sounded like the woman's name in question).

Then we booked a skiing holiday. Ok - it was only going to be four of us - us and another couple. Four turned to 8 then he said one day - he was wanting to invite her skiing as well. What could I say??? Then he had an exhibition (he's an artist) - and he said he was thinking of inviting a, b, c and d but never mentioned her name. However he then said - is there anyone else you think I should invite. Are you playing games with me here mister? Are you wanting me to suggest her - like I suggested it?? OK volcanic eruption now really taking form here - give me a rolling pin so I can whack you over the head with it. How stupid do you think I am??? I said no - don't think so but mentioned someone else's name. Again he said was there anyone else that I thought he should invite - I just went - nope don't think so - do you?? You want to play games - cool - then I will play the game of forgetfulness here.

You know what I am actually really pissed off now - I am litterly shaking at the keyboard and feel really sick here. I thought writing this down would be a good way of venting out my frustratin here but by heck I am really flippin angry. No more.