No More Fake Guccis

I took today to reflect over yesterday's events. A brisk walk to the shops and looking through the sales and I kept thinking to myself - why am I not allowing myself to do the things I want just because there is someone in the corner bitching behind my back. I have always withheld from doing something just in case so in so says this and so and so says that. By the time I reached the middle of Princes Street - I was in full blown anger stomping mode.

During my breakup with R, his sister and her bestmate had said to him, they didn't understand why someone like me works so hard - they coudn't understand that me - actually loved what I did and was prepared to work more than the 9-5.30 weekly routine. So they basically told my ex that basically I was shit at everything hence why I work longer than the normal hours or I was working the normal hours but someone else was involved. Every so often sweet nothings were whispered in his ear and every so often the 'Hi L, oh you look so wonderful' in that false sickly sweet note that makes you want to excuse yourself and become bulimic. I got an email from her the day I moved out - Oh and his mother even phoned - one month after we broke up and they decide to call - it was like their last attempt to dig a knife in my back. I deleted the email and on the phone - I was polite - said my goodbyes and wished them all the best.

You see it always seemed to amaze me how these people would pretend to their best friends that they were the best thing on sliced bread but were so quick to slag them off when their backs were turned. For example, R's sister - well she had a good friend since school that was the first of their group of friends to get married. Amazing how one person gets married they all want to get married and pop kids. Well R's sister had just broken up with a long term boyfriend at the time. Her friend getting married had said to her 'Don't worry, it'll be your turn soon'.

Now I don't think her friend was being spiteful here. But a year after she got married I was sitting at the table of 16 people talking to R's sister who had no qualms in letting everyone know that this girl's husband was cheating on her even before they got married with another one of their best friends. The thing that really got me was - she had no qualms to discuss and publicise this matter with everyone - except her friend. Me, it's none of my business - I would not mention it to my friend unless she had a whiff and decided something was up. Otherwise, it's not my business to discuss - either with my friend or anyone else for that matter.

There were many occasions and many different scenarios - point being that I learned not to discuss my personal business with these people - it was another way of becoming a Z list celebrity who had fallen face first in the mud. Every so often, I would get invited on the girly weekend, and always I was asked the personal questions, ones that I chose not to discuss and would tell them so and change the subject. You see, my personal life is my private life and having someone come up to you pretending they care and then once you turn your back take great pride in publicising your matters, well quite frankly those type of people can fuck off.

So you see, when the whole episode of me supposedly stalking B took forth, they took great delight in cackling their gossip left right and centre. I was even asked at a party - have you seen B lately - to which I retorted - no , I haven't and quite frankly I'm not interested in talking to him if he he spends his time spreading such ridiculous shit about me. I felt I had to stand up for myself - fuck - I was trying to defend myself against something I didn't do. I really wouldn't be surprised if one of those people in that group of friends decided to stir something up.

Anyway, point being here, is that I think too much and by the time I reached the bottom of Princes Street. I was fuming. I was letting what people were saying and thinking getting in the way of how I chose to deal with my everyday life. I was angry because I was letting this happen. You see, at the end of the day realised. Fuck them. Fuck the lot of them. Why should I care what they think about me. These people who pull you down. I let them govern the decisions I make in my life. They start to make you feel so insecure that your not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not .. the list goes on. These people are not friends like the few true ones that I have - and those true ones - they accept me warts and all - they don't judge, they say what they feel straight to your face. There's no beating round the bush. If I do something wrong - they let me know. And as I reached the bottom of Princes Street - I felt so lucky. I may not be surrounded my millions and trillions of people, I may not be Miss Popular, but I am lucky to have those few good friends. And those few people are more precious than surrounding yourself with the fake Gucci's of friendship. I was so lucky indeed.