OK - it's been a whie since I last wrote something - things have gone kinda astray in every point of my life- two weeks before Xmas and the company has made two people redundant - I'm safe for the time being but I'm beginning to think how long for so have been hectically trying to sort out my CV and portfolio and have been on the prowl for something new and exciting - the thing is two months ago - whilst I had broken up with my boyfriend and moving to Edinburgh I saw an advert in the guardian for a job as a graphic designer in Dubai - I really wanted to apply but as the closing date was the next day, my portfolio wasn't updated neither my CV and other work comittments took priority I had to grit my teeth and let that lovely job fly by. SO I decided to search for the same publishing company - needless to say - they have updated their website and are still on the look out for a graphic designer. I've decided this must be a calling - I need to do this - if I don't I will be seriously regretting it.

My other dilemma is being the run on to Xmas and having become single again and a workaholic - I am starting to feel really lonely - so lonely I was drowning my sorrows infront of my laptop and messenger with a bottle of voddka and serious lashings of diet coke and a packet of marlboro lights for the last two friday nights running. How sad is that? I've made no plans for Xmas and New Years - thing is I don't want people to know that I'm on my own this year but at the same time I really don't want to be alone. Then I thought - hey - speed daters new years party - again - how sad is that? Would I have the courage - me stuck in a room of 500 people - not knowin anyone - crikey I'd be running for the door..... I'm getting scared - I've no plans. I'm going to be alone for Christmas and be alone for New Years and hell alone for the rest of my life. I'm going to die alone a sad, old lonely old woman without even a cat - the ex got custody of dear rupert - yes - I'm alone and haven't even got my cat. If that was the one thing that broke my heart that was leaving my cat.