Rabbits

Oh the bees in my head have departed - what bliss it feels this morning! I have decided to use the wee cash I was given by my boss for Xmas and invest in a vibrator. Now some may ask - why? Well because of this. I have now joined more than 10 dating sites and all responses I get seem to be from incapacitated deranged pestulent things - I'm not going to apologise here but really when you join a dating site there is some kind of decorum that one follows. So far I have bee emailed,

''Well hello there - you have a photo and whereabouts from Edinburgh are you from?'

OK, well you might think - not bad - give the guy a break. Well not when he's divorced, earning less than £8,000 a year and is uneducated. Apologies but from three simple facts I have concluded the guy's on the dole; in his previous relationship, his ex-wife was the breadwinner and his place was sitting on the sofa watching the footie and drinking cans of Tennants. So, rather than respond, I just politely ignored the email. To which I get two subsequent emails from the same person,

'U sound nice - no photo thou!'

to

'Where's my photo babes x'

At that point I pressed my block button - do not call me babes you pestulent scumbag.

I might seem like a complete and utter bitch here but quite frankly I'm 30 and when your mailbox get's plugged up with mail from the Sexyone, Caveman, and Willy12" whose mugshots look like Fred West well personally it's no wonder there are so many single woman out there at my age who are lesbians or at this moment, are heading out to Ann Summers this Friday afternoon and purchase themselves a vibrator.