Regrets

I've had a couple of hours here now on Xmas Eve where I've just been sitting and thinking. Now I know too much thinking for me is not good. But, these couple of hours were just thinking if I had done things differently in particular situations in the past would the outcomes be the same or would they be different. I know I can't go back and change the past - but being the New Year coming up and it being 2008, I want to be able to learn from my mistakes so I don't repeat them. So here are things which I would of done differently;

I wouldn't have slammed the phone down on my mother one morning in the lab in early 1999. I received a letter from her a week later to say that she was going on holiday somewhere for a long time and not to bother contacting her. So me, being me thought this was a ploy just to get me to call - and angrily I did. You see we fell out a year back - I never told her I was going to go to Glasgow to do a PhD. She found out from one of my work colleagues. Her last words to me before I left to go to Glasgow were - Don't go to Glasgow - you'll make the biggest mistake in your life. I guess I did. Anyway - I made that phone call only to find out that she rented the house out - to this day - the same people are renting that house - an architect oddly enough. Her words to them was that she was going to stay with her daughter in Edinburgh. I don't know whether it's fate but eight years later I have now moved to Edinburgh. To this day, I don't know where she is. I thought I had found her at one point, but it turned out to be a woman with the same name and birthdate who oddly enough was also Polish but it wasn't her. Crikey, I delivered cards and flowers to this woman - she must of thought someone was stalking her. So there you go. I'm not going to go into why we really fell out in the first instance - that is another barrell of fish altogether - but my biggest regret in life - not being able to say I'm sorry to her. And not being able to say thank you to her for being the best mother a child could have in the world. My biggest regret is not having the chance to let her know that.

Will finish there as need to go but no doubt will have more to add tomorrow.